03 May 2010
He didn't Laugh. Part 1
)Published on May 3rd, 2010 @ 02:05:10 pm, using 1423 words, 46 views
I married a gal from Houston Texas whose father is quite a sportsman and through the years we have had a few adventures together with his hand on the wheel of powerboats in the Texas salt chasing redfish and trying to stay alive.
Three kids later and 15 years of being together with his daughter things have mellowed between us.
It was not always that way - When I was first introduced to him as his daughter’s new boyfriend he graciously said “Good to meet you.” and then turned to his daughter and said not in a whisper “Its okay to date the locals sweety, just don’t breed with them.” I nervously laughed, he didn’t.
That he didn’t laugh has always stuck with me and has taught me to keep one eye open.
During my first visit to Houston to meet my wife’s family my father-in-law invited me to go fishing in the Gulf of Mexico during our stay. Dave wasn’t a fly angler then, so it was going to be treble hooks and live shrimp on the bottom. Not my gig, but still a kick to go fishing and not have to sit around the house with the female in-laws and learn the intricacies of southern shopping protocol in Houston. I hadn’t ever caught a redfish so this sounded cool to chase a new species even if it was flyless.
We loaded up at O’Dark thirty in the morning with all kinds of bait casters, spin rods, bell sinkers, spider wire, and live wells full of shrimp. Not exactly size 18 Blue Wing Olive cripples. I hadn’t seen the offshore boat yet due to the darkness, so it was just a hulking shape behind the suburban as we backed up to the hitch. When we dropped the hitch down on the Suburban she groaned and dropped her battered bumper so low that it tilted the cab up like a airplane on a steep takeoff.
Joe - “Dave, is that trailer balanced? We are really bumper heavy.”
Dave - “I thought you Montana boys had a little more courage? Besides bumpers can be replaced, fishing time is lost forever.”
Fair enough. At this point I was going to lean against the passenger door and catch a nap as we drove in the dark to Texas City about an hour away. It would have worked, but apparently at 3 a.m. in the morning Dave turns into the Bo Duke and the white groaning suburban into the General Lee. He actually had that famous horn on his truck and blared it as we peeled out of the driveway spewing sparks from our bumper like a cat with sparklers tied its tail on the Fourth of July.
Ha, Ha, mess with the tired Montana boy and then slow down to a sane speed. Fine, I don’t have to sleep. But oh no, we kept picking up steam as we hit I-10. Now you would think the roads would be empty this early, but not so in the 8 million population of Houston. All lanes were being used and according to Dave was full of slow driving idiots. I didn’t really think a bottomed out suburban towing a monster offshore boat was the correct tool for “Dodging Dumbasses” rudely obeying the speed limit. Apparently I’m not southern. I am awake now, and suddenly quite aware that I am not wearing a seat belt. As I reached for the buckle Dave turned told me it wasn’t necesary -
Dave - “No need for that son, unless you are skeered.”
Joe - “But you are wearing one.”
Dave - “It helps me hold on the wheel. You aint driving, so just take your little nap. Heh, Heh.”
I snuck the belt on later when we were roaring past a “stupid” ferrari. When he noticed I was safe from catastrophic traffic damage he seemed disappointed and slowed a little.
Remember Joe, he didn’t laugh.
Finally we arrived in Texas City and tail whipped through the sleepy town towards the gas station to fuel up. As we pulled under the lights I got a good look at the boat that we were going to take offshore. Dave is an extremely successful executive so I expected to see something from the Grady White Catalog wraped in custom aluminm and draping multiple monster outboards off the back, but rather I saw something resurrected from a military boat graveyard. As I looked closer I saw filled in bullet holes riddled across the bow. A sinister crack filled with orange putty spanned the transom and gave a scarred sneer. You could see where a turrett of some kind had been mounted on the bow, later I found some .50 cal shell casings when I was frantically searching for a life vest and its history became clear.
Joe - “Dave, where did you get the boat?”
Dave - “I bought it last week. Maiden Voyage today.”
Joe - “WHERE did you get it.”
Dave - “Oh, just around. Pretty cool, boat huh. This gal was selling it for her old man that got in some trouble. She said ole Devil Dust Dewey sure loved his baby boat. I was surprised she sold it at all.”
Joe - “What kind of trouble.”
Dave - “She said he was an importer and was being falsely accused by the damn government.” And then in an off thought quiet tone Dave said - “Wouldn’t sell me the guns.”
Joe - “What was that?”
Dave - “Oh, nothing. She sold it to me cheap, but asked that I don’t run it in certain bays around Texas City.”
Joe - “WE ARE IN TEXAS CITY, DAVE.”
Dave - “Did I say Texas City, I meant New Mexico.
Joe - “New Mexcico is land locked.”
Dave - “You Montana boys are a nervous bunch.”
Remember, he didn’t laugh.
When we hit the boat ramp I was looking over my shoulder like an owl on meth. For what I imagined would be a ranting just released Devil Dust Dewey or his clan come to retrieve his baby war boat. As we backed into the water at the ramp Dave’s mood suddenly changed.
Dave - “Now that you are going to be part of our family. I would consider it an honor for you to take her for her first launch.”
Joe - “I row drift boats, Dave. I don’t know much about power boats.”
Dave - “Its as easy as falling in the ocean. Drop the motor in, throttle forward, and reversed to slow. You’ll figure it out.”
Joe - “You know Dave it’s still dark and its your new boat. You really should go first.”
Dave - “Nonsense we were….er… I mean are family, jump in and let it rip. Once you get her up on plane take her all the way around the bay. Kind of where you see the bonfire and single wide trailers in the distance.”
Joe - “Okay. I guess so.”
As I jumbed in the center console and got ready for the launch I realized we didn’t check the plugs.
Joe - “Dave, we don’t have the drain plugs in.”
Dave - “Sorry, can’t here you over the motor.”
Joe - “WE DON’T HAVE THE PLUGS IN.”
Dave - “Yes, I will put the boat in.”
Joe - “WE DON’T HAVE THE STUPID PLUGS IN!!!! STOP!!!”
Dave - “Okay fine, here are the plugs.”
To this day I have never met another boat owner that grudgingly puts the drain plugs in.
As I was bobbing around in the boat launch area fiddling with the boat I realized I there were no lifejackets on board. I called to Dave to throw me a set, but he must not have been able to hear me as he parked the trailer. As he walked up I noticed he was wearing a jacket.
Joe - “Do you have one for me?”
Dave - “One what?”
Joe - “A life jacket.”
Dave - “You skeered again Montana?”
Joe - “But you wearing one.”
Dave - “It’s merely for dock safety. You will be fine, you are surrouned by a fine boat. Now take her for a spin and don’t forget to bank hard by that bonfire and single wide trailers.”
Joe - “You aren’t coming along?”
Dave - “Ah no, its a southern tradition for Maiden Voyages to be solo gigs. You wouldn’t want to put bad luck on my new boat would you?”
Remember he didn’t laugh.
To be continued, I hope.
Permanent Link